We need a serious attitude adjustment

[Admin shilton]

Ok Christmas morning DD was a cranky whiney well pain in my backside. I chalked it up to she was tired, but we were pretty disappointed with the way she was behaving after all she had received. So then today, DS was on his computer and she starts bugging him to play on his computer. He told her he was busy just now maybe later. The fit starts again. DH pointed out to her that she had all kinds of Christmas stuff she could go play with....Then she says....."But I don't have a computer of my own". Geesh, she is getting more and more ungrateful (is that a word?). I really don't know where I am going wrong, I need a book on how not to raise a spoiled brat because I am afraid she is turning into one.

[ericaj]

you sure you don't have my dd8.5? it has got to be the age or i'm gonna be blowing some major stacks soon. god forbid the girl got a 4wheeler from us THEN the grandparents (between both sets) spoiled her w/ a nintendo ds and games for it. my mother brought over the gifts from my brother and his new wife - wanna know what the dd8.5 said??? oh yes indeedy........"why did audrey get more gifts than i did?" audrey is 16.5 months old and her stuff is a heckuva lot more cheaper than yours! nooooo, not a good enough answer even though she just got the newest dreamlife game from them!

i swear i am gonna strangle.........you're gonna see me in the paper over it......

[Admin shilton]

Maybe it is an age thing, mine is 9. Maybe we can be cellmates.

[ericaj]

lmao.......i think we will be. i know that the green-eyed monster was out in full force yesterday afternoon when everyone was oohing and ahhhing over audrey being able to open gifts this year. becca needs to learn i keep telling myself......sigh.

how are we gonna make it though the preteen and teen years?

[cocoadiva43]

Sometime as parent we try to give our kids,everything we did not get as a child.So now kids are very ungraceful what they parents buy them for any holiday.
I have one nephew no matter how many gifts he get,his special word ~~That All~~~.Wow!!!so many kids are so spoiled.

[My2Blessings]

I have one nephew no matter how many gifts he get,his special word ~~That All~~~.Wow!!!so many kids are so spoiled.

That would drive me nuts! I agree kids are over indulged.

Maybe 9 yr old is just the right age to volunteer at a women's shelter or homeless shelter. Where they will see people who have nothing and are going through a tough time in their lives.

[Admin 100thousandaire]

Um yeah, it must be the age. My 9 yo does the same thing. He got a Sony PSP and a couple of games for his birthday in Oct. He actually said "where's my ________ game that I wanted?" there was a slight snotty tone with it. WTH??!! I wanted to take it all back to the store. He would tell everyone what he got but would harp on the fact that he did not get ___ game. Announcement to little boy: WE DID NOT HAVE TO BUY YOU ANYTHING (especially that expensive). We are working on the ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE around here. I am not sure if he's just realizing the concept of money, but he constantly asks for money or very expensive things. He's about to get his wings clipped, early.

[ericaj]

luckily becca will do for others and buy for others. i am fortunate in that area. she's just in this freaking battle of wills and has yet to learn that she has met her match as i am the queen of stubborness and defiance.

[Bargain Huntress]

My dd is only 5 and she was expenting more my little pony stuff and said so. I told her if she didn't like what she got she could get nothing. I then took out a garbage bag and put her new toys in it. She changed her mind real fast and I havent heard another word about it.

[Admin shilton]

luckily becca will do for others and buy for others. i am fortunate in that area. she's just in this freaking battle of wills and has yet to learn that she has met her match as i am the queen of stubborness and defiance.

This is sounding more and more like my situation. Erica didn't want to spend her money for gifts this year, but we didn't give her any choice.

[brit83]

My son was the same way while he still believed in Santa Claus--very ungrateful from ages 7-9. He really expected Santa to come thru with what he wanted. When he realized we are actually having to pay for things he is asking for, his attitude totally turned around and he appreciates it a lot more. He is 11 now.

[labbylover]

With DS1, I had to say the "ok then, you'll get nothing" threat and he changed his attitude pretty quickly---this was when he was around 9 or 10, so it's gotta be an age thing.

I remember also having to tell the older two (who didn't believe in Santa at the time) that their baby brother's stuff was cheaper than theirs, so it looked like he got more stuff than them, but really it was all the same $$---they were getting electronic stuff, etc. They understood that and attitudes changed then, too. Kinda made me mad that I'd even have to explain something like that, but to look at it from a kid's POV, I guess I do understand....

We make our kids buy each other gifts with their own money and I think that's also helped them see the value of things, too.

[Admin GroceryGeek]

I honestly cannot remember ever being disappointed at Christmas, no matter what I did or didn't get. Perhaps it is selective memory!

My kids don't exactly complain........but overall especially in their younger years, I struggled with their sense of entitlement. I think that is very pervasive in this generation. And I very much contributed to this, I think, by trying to give as much as I could and do as much for them as I could. If I had it to do all over again, there would be much less material stuff given to them, many more chores at a young age, and forcing them to work as soon as they turned 16. That is just my hindsight on my situation and not an implication that any of you caused this in your kids! It just seems to be a prevailing theme I notice among my kids and their friends.

If any of you grew up in a family with very limited means, you might understand what I mean. I did, and even when that improved I still had to work for what I got.

[Admin shilton]

Susan, I do think that is part of the problem with DD. When DS was her age, DH and I had only been together about a year. Before DH entered our lives, we struggled just to eat everyday. And since times have not always been great, but not nearly to the point that we faced hunger. DS remembers the hard times and I think DD doesn't because she is just getting old enough to understand. We are already planning to start watching and seeing if we just give to much sometimes. She has chores, but tries to avoid them and sometimes I allow it....Not anymore cuz she made her mommy MAD.

[labbylover]

During the past 5 years we've been going through tough financial times and I think that's been a blessing, really, because my kids have had to hear "no, we can't afford that _____ just right now" or, "we'll get that only if it's on sale or if I have a coupon" and quite frankly they weren't hearing that before. Now that my DD is almost 18, she's seen me using coupons and showing her how to grocery shop (my own mother never used coupons) and how to hunt down a bargain; I feel good knowing that soon she'll be smarter with her money than I was. But it may not have happened if we didnt' go through what we've been going through. So Scarlett, I can relate to what you said.

[indianadana]

When I was about thirteen I went through an ungrateful, entitled, spoiled brat stage and my Mom did the best thing. She stopped buying or giving me anything that she did not have to. NO EXTRAS! No new clothes-Nada. Now I know that it could not have been easy for her. She had to be willing to let me walk around in clothes that I was outgrowing and to not worry what others thought and she had to squelch the urge to give me things even when I was being good so that I could learn to appreciate what I had. I think that it is a natural desire to want to do things for our kids and it this day and age that means material things often but I can tell you the lesson that I learned from going without means alot more to me all these years later than those things that I can't even remember now. The ones that I thought that I had to have. After about 6 months to a year of this, You can bet that I really appreciated it when she took me to get some new clothes. This was a bigger gift than any THING that she could have given me. Be strong!!

[ericaj]

becca has learned that she does not get every newfangled thing due to cost. yes we could easily afford just about anything she asks for, but we choose to let her think we don't have a ton of money. when she wants $$ for an item, she has to get her own money out. she really learned the hard way with this one remote controlled pet game. it was $40, she bought it with allowance $$ she had saved.....a month later it was on clearance for $17! she was ticked to say the least. she now very rarely will buy anything full price.

she does the grocery shopping w/ me and will ask for an item and "do you have a coupon for it?" no coupon = not getting the item. she gets upset, but is fine in a minute or two. she loves watching the cost go down w/ the coupons and is always eager to clip them on sundays.

and yes, we make her do chores to get the money. dishes 2x/wk, clean room 1x/wk, bringing all laundry down + putting all clean laundry away that is hers, helping w/ little sister = to what she gets for the week. if she's been moody and mouthy, she has to do the chores, get the $, then pay hubby back for the grief she's given us that week. there was one time she OWED him money!

but, back the the very op, yep it has to be the age. even with doing all we can to instill kindness, gratitude, generosity, etc., they are still mouthy at this age......thank god i have light colored hair, because i can see the gray popping out on dh's head from her mouth! i cna only imagine what mine would look like!!!

[Admin shilton]

Well, I normally don't pay for household chores, but am thinking about starting to pay her to do some of my chores that I just hate. She just really ticked me off again a bit ago. I was talking to DH about something I was thinking of getting for Valentines day, but wanted to make sure it would be useful to him. She said, but it is my turn for Valentines day presents you guys got them last year. UMMM EXCUSE ME????? I did buy her a small box of chocolates last year, and the real gifts are supposed to be between DH and I. I told her right then and there she is getting nothing for Valentines day this year so don't expect it because she is spoiled.