Teens giving you the silent treatment

[Admin GroceryGeek]

Ok, how long has your teenager refused to talk to you? I am going on 4 days now. I hope it is normal but am really getting pretty upset about it. What is your record?

[candied]

Oh Susan, I haven't had to experience it yet, but it probably is not to far off. I hope whatever is bothering your son/daughter, I hope they realize that the silent treatment is NOT helping the situation - whatever it may be.

Good Luck,
Candace

[Sue]

Oh man! I have not even thought of this issue yet!
I'm sorry you are dealing with this! Don't let on that it bothers you or s/he will use it again.

[KCinFLA]

Sooner or later they will need something from you. Don't worry, it will probably be sooner. I bet it is bothering the teen more than they are letting on. Just try not to punish yourself in the meantime.

[Admin shilton]

A week if you don't count asking "whens dinner"

[oceanwatcher28]

My 15 yr. old daughter has tried that.... It worked for about 12 hours, because I did the same thing to her ! She decided to talk to me because she wanted something - She couldn't stand me not answering her questions. I told her, " I have dealt with your stubborness and I will still win! "

[trenthamfamily]

I dont' have a teen just yet, a few more years for it but do you know why she's giving you the silent treatment? The one thing that I've learned even with an 8 year old is that they'll get mad but if you can just get them to talk then you don't say anything, let them vent, let them yell and scream but not get ugly and call names but just listen to them it should help. If you do know what's causing her to do that maybe you break the tension and just ask if she's ready to help you clear the air so things can go back to normal.

Heck, sign her out of school and have a manicure/pedicure/mall day and maybe she'll open up in a more civil manner and things can be worked out.

[Angela_CA]

Not quite a teen, he's 12, but yes. When it happens, I let him stew about it for a day or so, then what I do is go sit on his bed and rub his back when he is starting to drift off to sleep. I don't say anything, it's just a repeat of a childhood routine. Usually he is back to his normal self the next day. They hate to admit it, but it's nice to be babied sometimes.

I'm thinking out loud here, but it might not be you he/she's really mad at, but is having a problem that he/she doesn't know what to do about - fight with a friend, getting teased at school, or maybe a friend is in trouble and doesn't know what to do and is trying to work it out.

[The Princess]

My oldest DS 13 has not tried this tactic and I do not think it would work. I remember being a STUBBORN teenager and I tried to stand my ground more times than I can count. Problem was, my Mom is just a stubborn. My Dad wouldn't let us 'argue' to long. He made us sit down and work it out. Boy, I hated that. Now I appreciate it. I remember one time he made us sit face to face and after a short time we ended up laughing. I mean, imagine starring face to face and I know I have some nasty facial expressions so I know why she laughed. I am one of those that you can tell what I am thinking my the look on my face. I do not have to say one word. My parents did not like me from the time I was about 15 until I was 25. We did not see eye to eye, now we are very close.
I can get my DS to talk to me and if something is bothering him, he knows he can talk to me. He has a slight stubborness, but he is an emotional child. (then again, he is only 13 so I am sure he will get more stubborn as he matures) My main complaint about my DS is that when I ask him to do something, he doesn't take me seriously. Until I get mad, then everyone scatters. But I do not like to get mad, but sometimes, it is the only way anyone listens to me. My DH says the boys do not take me seriously when I am nice or ask nice. But I do not want to be the Mom that always yells. So,I try to find a happy medium. (it is challenging at times) Sorry to hijack the thread.....Good luck.

[Sharon]

Sometimes I wish my teen DD would give me the silent treatment! She has always been one to voice her opinion, sometimes to her detriment.

Sit down with him/her face to face like Princess did. Make them look at you, get a third party involved if you have too. My DH does the same thing as Princess' dad when DD and I argue too long. It really does work.

[AnnVG2996]

I once went about 3-4 days when I was a teen. I needed to ask permission to go to the movies that weekend with a friend, so that broke the silent treatment.

I wasn't even upset with my parents, I had just had a boyfriend cheat on me that my parents really liked, and I didn't want to talk about it. I had been dating him almost 2 years, so I just needed the quiet alone time to think about what I was going to do and how to best handle it.

[MagicBus]

Yikes, I put up with so much of that from my own mother when I was growing up (see post in "going on strike at home thread") that I tend to talk to them too much sometimes.......but I just don't think I'd allow that......that's not how I want things dealt with around here, and I'm thinking that the minute they come asking "when's dinner" is when I say "when you start showing a little respect by either telling me what your problem is so we can work it out, or not taking your problem out on everyone else until you work it out yourself".....Hey, that kind of business is never going to work in the real world, so why should I allow it at home? Can you see them trying that on their boss someday?

[AnnVG2996]

I didn't really give them the full silent treatment, it was more the avoiding treatment. If they asked me a question, I answered. My mom and I usually talked alot when I was a teen, but for a few days I needed to just figure out things on my own, so I spent a good portion of time up in my room alone.

[HOOKEDONSAVINGS]

I could have wrote this post! I have 2 teenagers left at home right now, both are 15- one my son, one my nephew who I have raised for almost 10 years now. When these 2 boys get in a fight, (usually over liking the same girl) they create such tension in the house! They give each other the silent treatment, me the silent treatment, they walk by each other down the hall and "accidently" bump shoulders- these are huge guys- they are both over 6 feet tall, and I just stay out of the way. I know it will cool down by tonight, because my other 2 kids are coming home for the weekend from college. My nephew who is away at college, who I also raised is going to take the both out and talk some sense into them! I actually am finding out that it is quite nice sometimes being so quiet :rolleyes:

[NorthernLanes]

My oldest son is 16 1/2 and hasn't done the silent treatment thing. Instead I get the monotone, monosyllabic answers with an eye roll and a deep sigh.

I always thought the silent treatment was more of an girl thing.

[labbylover]

NorthernLanes, my 14 year old son will do that, too, but I'd better not see the eye roll!! No one is allowed to roll their eyes or say "whateverrrrrr" in MY house-----major pet peeve of mine!!

Maybe that way is a guy thing.....mine usually comes out of it after a couple of hours. I wouldn't let it go for more than a day, however.

[Admin Jorelanu]

I didn't talk to my parents for over a month when I was getting married (I was 19). My mother's parting words were "Remember, once you leave, you can't ever come back"......oooook Mom.... BYE!

My BIL tried to talk some sense into my mother because he realized I wasn't ever going to talk to or see her again. It's taken years and a couple of grandkids and we mostly get along now. Mostly we get along because I do my best to ignore her snotty, rude comments. At one point she told the entire family that my DH must have made me ill because I perfectly healthy before I married him. Whatever mom.... lets just forget all about reality here and the fact that I wasn't perfectly healthy, the stupid military Dr's just didn't want to deal with it so they told you that I would "outgrow" my chronic illness.

Jore

[Admin Juleslian]

Susan--I don't think I said a single civil word to my mom the entire year I was 14.

I am so glad I have boys....

[Admin GroceryGeek]

Thanks all for your kind words! Yes, I know why she is mad. And she is mad at me so it isn't a question of finding out what is wrong.

We had a breakthrough yesterday and yes a little bribery was involved (got our nails done!) but the silent treatment is over. And we are in counseling anyway so hopefully this won't happen again anytime soon!

[The Princess]

Man, I was notorious for the eye roll and the "Whateverrrrrr". My Mom and Dad's heads would spin around, they would be so mad. My DS6 tried the eye roll and I almost came out of my skin. I did it when I was a teenager but when he did it recently, I put the nip in that. (Hopefully) I told him that his eyes would pop out if he did it again and he just looked at me like I was crazy. :rolleyes:

[labbylover]

I also tell my kids when they're mad at me that they have my "permission" to call me any rotten rude name they can think of in their own heads, but never to my face! I think it helps them realize that I acknowledge that they're angry with me, but they are expected to use some self-control.

[UtahDAD]

With three daughters in my home, the head bobs, eye rolls and "what-everrrrrrrrrrrrrrs" are so common place I just laugh it off anymore. I tell them that one of these days they are going to bob that head right off their heads...Or that their eyes will probably stick that way and the ULTIMATE one: "someday i hope you have a kid just like you..." I got that one all the time, and it pleases my mother tremendously to see that wish of hers come to fruition. If I just laugh it off, pretty soon they forget about it too. I don't take things too seriously with teenagers. Like Amin Jules, I am not sure a pleasant word came out of my mouth from age 14-16. I remember it well. I am just there for them when they are ready to be happy again. I just try and remember that its usually not me that prompted their anger. I am just the easy one to take it out on. good luck everyone! Just remember that we read in the Bible many many many times "It came to pass..." we NEVER read that it "came to stay." They will not be teenagers forever. Just seven years that can seem like it. LOL

[shelbalah]

oh after reading this i feel a little better now...my sweet ds (who just turned 13) is a total stranger to me these days! :(

he is rude and seems to be annoyed by everything I do!!! he gives me this look of disgust all the time!! (i just want to be liked and loved and hugged by my kids all the time....!! is that tooo much to ask?? LOL)

well, i was prepared for the teen years - so it thought- now i am realizing, nothing could have prepared me for this!! can't we turn back the clock??? i wanna go back !! waaa!

oh well...i better get over myself - huh?

[Breeze]

My two teens border most days between rotten and really rotten. They are epitome of "street angel, home devil". There are times that I wonder where I have gone wrong in raising them, yet I hear from their teachers, other adults in their life that they are wonderful, polite young men. My ex-husband hasn't helped their rough teen years with his psychotic behavior either. I am trying to hang in there to get them through high school. Somedays it is just one day, or one hour at a time.

The other thing I get a lot is them wanting to eat out. They would rather eat fast food than a good home-cooked meal of steak, baked potato and salad. Go figure! :rolleyes: