Thoughts on an anniversary cruise...with guests

[Sharon]

I took DH on a 3 night cruise for his 40th birthday and he LOVED it. It was his first cruise and that's the only way he wants to vacation now!

Feb. 15th will be our 19th wedding anniversary, which has me thinking about next year. I think it would be great to take a cruise to celebrate 20 years. I really think it would be fun to have family and friends along.

My questions:

I want to invite ppl to come along and celebrate with us, but it would be at their expense. How do I word this? Keep in mind I am not doing formal invites, just an e-mail or letter.

I don't want any gifts, their presence is present enough! Again, how do I word this?

How much advanced notice do I need to give? I'm not even sure this will take place, but I'm dreaming about it! I want to give everyone plenty of time to plan vacation and save up.

My only other dilemma is the timing. This will be in Feb 2008 and my DD graduates HS that spring. I hope family will come out to see her graduate, but I worry about putting too much on them over the course of a few months. I want to celebrate our anniversary, but I don't want to take away from her celebration a few months later.

Any advice is very welcome!

[intimid8rfan]

Hi Sharon - what a great idea! We got married on a cruise ship, and there was a total of 17 family members that went on the 3 day cruise with us. Everyone had such a great time that we all agreed that we should do the same thing for our 5th anniversary, but since that was this past november, and I was 7 months pregnant at the time, that didn't quite happen. DH's Aunt still points out that we need to do the cruise again.

As for how to word the invite - after you mention that you're planning the cruise and would love to have them join you to celebrate, maybe something along the lines of "we have begun researching cabin costs, and estimate that it will run $XXX per couple - please let us know if you are interested - we may be able to negotiate group rates". As for no gifts, I don't know.... I think etiquette dictates that you're not even supposed to mention gifts at all (even that you don't want to receive them), but not for sure.

I would say at least 6 months, maybe more, since I would think February is probably a popular time for cruising - people wanting to come down and get away from the cold. Plus, depending on where you are, if airfare is required, that definitely is more expensive in February (I'm in South Florida, so I'm automatically assuming you're cruising out of Lauderdale or Miami, but I guess this would hold true for wherever you're going out of).

Lastly, definitely check into the group rates, and make sure that you continue to check the rates, even after you book something. My brother-in-law drove me nuts with this, but I think we ended up saving an additional $100 per cabin after we had booked everything because he happened to catch a drop in prices at one point.

I hope you can work it out - I think that would be a great vacation, and one that everyone would remember for years. Good luck!

[My2Blessings]

Could you possible postpone it so it would coincide with your DD graduation? I don't know the travel involved but two trips in a few months might be too much for most people.

If you planned it to start the weekend she graduates, then it could be the start of the vacation. Just a thought!

Hope it works out for you!

[candied]

I was just going to suggest something about planning in together with your DD's graduation. It could be combined with your anniversary, graduation gift for your DD, and any birthdays that month or that year that you can all celebrate together.

Candace

[mvahalik]

I would word it more like We are planning on going on a cruise for our anniversary and thought it'd be fun to have family join us. Of course we wish we could pay for the whole family to come, but that's not an option. However, we've found that it would cost about $XXX per couple and we're interested to see if anyone would like to come with us.

I wouldn't worry about mentioning or not mentioning the gift thing... if people are paying to go on a cruse they either won't mind the extra $50 toward a gift, or will assume just going on the cruse is enough (as you hope).

We did this for my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary... although my grandparents paid for everyone. Anyway, it was a lot of fun.

I would also think that maybe waiting until after graduation could be good. Feb. could be expesive because that's getting close to spring break... so you might look into that.

I also agree it would work to wait until after your DD's graduation and have a dual party kind of thing. In fact if anyone else in your family is celebrating anything you could include that too.

[Sharon]

Thanks for the input. I had thought about combining it, but I am afraid that would take the spotlight off of my DD. I know she would love it as a graduation present, so that isn't a concern. I guess I worry that her graduation gifts from relatives would be cut short. It's not like she would be getting a new car or oodles of money from anyone anyway, but I wonder if it would be a strain on anyone.

You know, the more I type (and retype) this, it sounds like I am overthinking this. I would have loved a cruise as a graduation present, even if it was a dual celebration. I don't think I would have cared if I got anything else.

[mvahalik]

Thanks for the input. I had thought about combining it, but I am afraid that would take the spotlight off of my DD. I know she would love it as a graduation present, so that isn't a concern. I guess I worry that her graduation gifts from relatives would be cut short. It's not like she would be getting a new car or oodles of money from anyone anyway, but I wonder if it would be a strain on anyone.

You know, the more I type (and retype) this, it sounds like I am overthinking this. I would have loved a cruise as a graduation present, even if it was a dual celebration. I don't think I would have cared if I got anything else.

The other option is to celebrate both the graduation and anniversary on their own then plan the cruise as a family trip. Decide with your DH and DD that gifts for grad/anniv. will be small b/c of the trip. Then just invite family as you want and if none of them want to come or can afford to come or whatever, then you have a fun family trip before DD heads to college/work/whatever... if family can come then that's even better and they can plan on it being a total vacation without worrying about it being a specific celebration for you and your DH or your DD.

That's not to say you shouldn't celebrate - I just think if you put TOO much ephasis on the fact that it'll be celebrating your anniversary, etc then family might shy away thinking they will be aboard a boat for the sole purpose of celebrating for you. Obviously I don't know your family and they may be totally happy with that. I know some of my family would prefer to know that it's also a no-reserve vacation for them and that they have full rights to do whatever they want during the trip.

On our family cruise for my grandparents 50th I can tell you we mostly all split apart during the days - us kids wanted to swim and run around the boat and the parents/grandparents wanted to lounge and read and stuff. We always came back together around dinner time. That is the awesome thing about a cruise ship - there is fun stuff for all ages.

I think you are probably putting too much thought into it :) I wouldn't worry so much about what it's celebrating and more just look at the deals you can find and when your family would be avaliable to come. Plus this way you can ask for help from the family in finding deals - if they know a stellar travel agent or whatever... plan it as a family, pay for it as a family, and travel as a family... that way no one's feelings get hurt. :)

[marykayeoa]

My DH's cousin did this in 2006 for her parents' 50 wedding anniversary. We didn't have the time or the funds (we have little ones in school) so we didn't attend. However, MIL said it was really great. The PPs are correct in how to invite. Don't mention gifts. I always hate when celebrities direct their gifts to a charity or some other purpose. If I want to gift, it's my choice; don't tell me how to do it (funerals are another story).

Go for both! I'd like a cruise also if I were 17!