MommaBean, how are you?

[Sue]

I know your home life is not all that great now, with DH. I just wanted to see how you are doing.

[Admin Nicole VA]

Let me jump in here too... Hope you are holding up ok.

[MommaBean]

well the talk we had seemed to knock his arse for a loop. He spent a couple days stewing. By sunday night he was well weird.

See i never answered the question but before ds1 was born he was a completley different man. He went so far as to cancel a vacation once to drive 20 hours to see me instead just 4 months after meeting me... and well got upset during that trip because i wouldnt agree to marrying him ...i had only met him online 4 months prior i told him he was nuts and to go back to texas. we ended up talking about it before he left that weekend and he cried and expressed to me that he just knew in his heart heloved me and wewere meant to be together.

he and i used to talk to the wee hours of the morning. he used to call just to check up on me (for the 3 years we were justfriends and after we had gotten together). he went so far as to hack into my online journal the day i found out my mother was dying to tell my friends what was going on give them numbers and tell them to please take care of me in person till he got to town. he from day one has taken care of my needs emotionally and mentally. talked me into living aftermy mother passed. gave me reasons to live. but after the baby was born (he had lost the financial ability to go see his first son just months prior ) visitation orders were set forth and he lost the ability to see his son totally...then it just spiraled out of control till we hit where we are now.

he had an assessment this summer and the doctor told us he was shocked that dh didnt come out as depressed. not even a smidge. dh is honestly happy and well just dense to say the least i guess.

he and i have talked A LOT . he has made the effort to sit down with me when he has gone out job hunting to tell me all the good news and what he did or didnt find out that day. i havent heard an apology but I have not told him to take the boys to bed . i havent had to tell him to do anything by the way of them in a week. i havent had to ask for anything for me either. He even asked me to take a shower this morning but well with two boys running around it wasnt feasible. but he asked . not like he'll get anything and he knows it too. he is grounded from the horizontal mamba with momma.

he has made jokes with me. and actually laughed with me too. its weird having him do that havent had him laugh and joke with me in months.

he has talked to me not about his feelings of course. but at least about what is going on day to day. his efforts are noted. he is not off the hook yet. he knows the rules. he knows my needs. and he knows that i will not divorce him but I can leave him for time for us to learn to be together as we were in the begining. as friends as well as partners.

thank you.
Meg

[Sue]

Meg, I'm glad that he is starting to open back up to you! Small steps are fine as long as they go forward!

[nurscindi]

he has talked to me not about his feelings of course. but at least about what is going on day to day. his efforts are noted. he is not off the hook yet. he knows the rules. he knows my needs.

Just wondering something, has he said what HE needs? or what his rules are? I mean, I feel bad for you, but sometimes the posts you make seem very one sided. I don't say that to offend, but it's how they read sometimes. It really does take both people to mess up a marriage.

He even asked me to take a shower this morning but well with two boys running around it wasnt feasible. but he asked . not like he'll get anything and he knows it too. he is grounded from the horizontal mamba with momma.


There is an old saying that the best sex is the make up sex. Personally I've found that to be pretty true! Not to mention, that sometimes that sex will help you to do the "reconnect" thing that you mention. oh don't get me wrong, i've held out before too...but was mostly due to medical issues and not so much because I didn't want to, just wasn't feeling up to it. You might find that holding out causes more tension that just giving in and trying to relax a bit :D

[salQgal]

Meg:

I agree with what Nurscindi said about the sex. Somewhere years ago I heard a saying that has stuck with me since. It's this -- Women need to feel loved to have sex, but men need sex to feel loved.
And, at least with my DH, it's very true. If he feels deprived, it affects his whole personality. And when he's satisfied, he's just a joy to be around. And as much as I think that stinks, and it's not fair, it's just the way it is.
So, I would say, since he does seem to be making a sincere effort, give him a reward, and he will probably reward you the way you want.

Sal

[2boys]

LOL cindi. But it's true, when DH and I are being more sexually active then other times, I notice he's happier. Not a different person but more bubbly and he seems to not get as upset about things. Not sure why, it's just a male thing I guess. But it is a good way to reconnect sometimes.

I am glad to hear things are going a little better, take it one day at a time.

[Admin 100thousandaire]

Gosh dangit, I have to agree with Cindi also. I think they are all wired the same.

[MommaBean]

well he has his rules iwill say that.
i am NOT to speak or bring upmy stepson..nor "help" him out (he just got sued two weeks ago and has done nada to figure it out also) ..i also am to allow him to do as heneeds and he sees fit when it comes to work and well doing things for work (even on his days off...thismeans cancelling plans i may have if he feels he needs to take an 8 hour day to talk to his uncle aboutthis great new job today)

also when it comes to the mambo...hey if i say to someone ...get over here say you're sorry and lets make up...and they say you're sorry and just hold you then start snoring two minutes later (at 10pm)...whatever you cant touch none of this baby...when he wants it whatever i tried to give it now ill just go prance around in a nightgown and be a tease

[indianadana]

Get some counseling if not for yourselves, do it for your kids.